Thursday, July 27, 2017
This summer I became the girl I have waited to become.
I wasn't bound by insecurities or fear. I wasn't controlled by the negative thoughts in my head. I rediscovered who I was in Christ, and I felt beautiful and worthy all over again. I figured out how to love myself like God loves me. But also, how to sustain that love. A perfect and everlasting love.
I saw how lonely life can be without God, especially in college. Not making Him a priority made me start to doubt myself and doubt how God feels about me. But, once I got back home and started making God my first priority above all things, my confidence built back up again. Not in me, but in Him. I had felt like God was far because I hadn't "seen" any of his blessings in a while. I was too blind to see that even though I felt far, God was patiently waiting by my side and preparing me for when I would come back to Him.
It was then that I could actually see what God was preparing me for. When I became a camp counselor I felt like I wasn't prepared for it at all. I felt as if I wasn't "spiritually qualified" enough to go and lead 12 middle schoolers deeper into their relationships with Christ when I was still struggling with mine. But it was that experience that opened my eyes up to how I wasn't only leading that week; I was being lead. It was that week that made me realize that I AM WORTHY and ABLE and have a drive to be the light in others lives around me. I learned that I am a huge influence on others and that I CAN SUSTAIN the ability to lead outside of camp. It was at camp that week that I had a realization of what I want to do for the rest of my life. To go out and make disciples. To show the world the light that I have seen so clearly and be overjoyed when I see that light go off in their eyes when they accept Christ as well. To witness and mentor others in their walk with Christ. I learned that God really does speak through people, and the voice of God is beautiful.
So now as I finish up my last few weeks home I feel more prepared than ever to go back. I know that even in my doubts there is a God who thinks I am perfect. I know that prioritizing God will bring me more joy in my life than anything earthly will. But overall, I found the girl in me who was waiting for me to find her again.