Thursday, July 27, 2017

Lost & Found


     This summer I became the girl I have waited to become.

     I wasn't bound by insecurities or fear. I wasn't controlled by the negative thoughts in my head. I rediscovered who I was in Christ, and I felt beautiful and worthy all over again. I figured out how to love myself like God loves me. But also, how to sustain that love. A perfect and everlasting love.

     I saw how lonely life can be without God, especially in college. Not making Him a priority made me start to doubt myself and doubt how God feels about me. But, once I got back home and started making God my first priority above all things, my confidence built back up again. Not in me, but in Him. I had felt like God was far because I hadn't "seen" any of his blessings in a while. I was too blind to see that even though I felt far, God was patiently waiting by my side and preparing me for when I would come back to Him.

     It was then that I could actually see what God was preparing me for. When I became a camp counselor I felt like I wasn't prepared for it at all. I felt as if I wasn't "spiritually qualified" enough to go and lead 12 middle schoolers deeper into their relationships with Christ when I was still struggling with mine. But it was that experience that opened my eyes up to how I wasn't only leading that week; I was being lead. It was that week that made me realize that I AM WORTHY and ABLE and have a drive to be the light in others lives around me. I learned that I am a huge influence on others and that I CAN SUSTAIN the ability to lead outside of camp. It was at camp that week that I had a realization of what I want to do for the rest of my life. To go out and make disciples. To show the world the light that I have seen so clearly and be overjoyed when I see that light go off in their eyes when they accept Christ as well. To witness and mentor others in their walk with Christ. I learned that God really does speak through people, and the voice of God is beautiful.

   So now as I finish up my last few weeks home I feel more prepared than ever to go back. I know that even in my doubts there is a God who thinks I am perfect. I know that prioritizing God will bring me more joy in my life than anything earthly will. But overall, I found the girl in me who was waiting for me to find her again.

Wednesday, May 10, 2017

The Lighthouse


     There's a girl somewhere who feels just as I do. She is ending her first year of college and wondering where the time went and looking back on the memories of her freshman year. But this girl is also coming to a realization about herself. She becomes fully aware of the change that has occurred in her. She sees that there is a gap in her life; one that she is finally letting herself become aware of. She understands that she has been pushing God to the back of her priorities and is overwhelmed by the fact of that. But, today she chooses to modify herself and give into those emotions she has been pushing back for so long. Today she's letting God back in fully.

     A year away can change who you are as a person. The pressure to conform to society in a new place can be immense at times. I think this happens to a lot of people when a change occurs in their life. We tend to, not forget about God, but lose the strength in our relationship with Him. We disregard his guiding and determine situations based on ourselves rather than what He has planned for us. We start to fizzle away into what other people expect of us. But, realizing that you have been doing these things will only direct you back to Him. Realizing this doesn't make you a bad person either. I believe that everyone has phases in their relationship with God where they feel farther than they should at times and that is okay.

     It's also okay to be lost. I say this because I thought about this very concept when I was in Mexico this past spring break looking out into the ocean. There was a lighthouse on top of a huge hill that glowed out to the sea every single night. It had me thinking; this is exactly what God is doing to us every day. He shines His light out when we are lost and in the dark trying to draw us back into Him. He does this and will never stop reaching out for us. His light shines through the worst of your troubles to remind you that even when you feel astray; He will never stop looking out for you. He will never stop drawing you into Him. He will never stop loving you. Our God is an everlasting God in every single way.

     I think we all need to hear this sometimes. When we feel so far away from God that we don't even think he hears us anymore. When we become someone who we aren't. When it feels like you're a million miles from the Lord and there's just no way of getting back into his arms. Remember there is a way. Our God is a God of grace, and mercy, and forgiveness above all that. He doesn't want you to stray but, when those times do stumble upon your life, He fights for you to come back. GOD FIGHTS FOR YOU ALWAYS. He isn't going anywhere anytime soon. These past few days I have felt his presence in my life indirectly but I had a moment where it really struck me that all of these circumstances and feelings I had been having were God guiding me back home.

     So to the girl sitting in her dorm room for the last time wondering if there is any way to gain her relationship back with God; all you have to do is follow His light now.

Sunday, February 19, 2017

Prepare

     I love eating pretzels with cream cheese. I could eat it every single day. I also love the way the stars look at night. I've loved the stars since I was a little girl and my dad would sit and read my brother and I a book over and over about the planets and the solar system. I have a deep passion for traveling and even if I don't have the time or money to travel I love to dream and ramble about the places I want to visit. I love the way flowers look in a room. I love the faces on people when they walk into the church Sunday morning. I love meeting new people and forming new relationships. I love reaching people and spreading the word of God. I love diet coke with vanilla at any time of day or night.

     But, what I really want is someone who wants to know these things about me.

     Iv'e been caught up in life lately. I think we all are right about now. We aren't looking out for ourselves and what makes us better as people. We relinquish ourselves to society and give in to what they tell us is good for us. But I am here to tell you that no one else can tell you what is good enough for you; only God can. The good news is that He has guidelines already laid out for what we deserve. He has written truths about how we should be treated and how we should look for healthy, relational, and honest people. All we have to do is give our time to Him and He will show us how to successfully find that person were looking for. But, it all starts with finding yourself. You won't find anyone who meets the standards of God without loving yourself fully and unconditionally. Loving yourself like God loves you is the first step to building any healthy relationship.

     Then He will bring someone into your life. Someone you could never even come up with on your own. Someone who asks all of the simple questions about you. Someone who cares about who you are as a person and wants to dig deeper into your mind and soul. Someone who builds with you in all aspects of life. He has someone so great waiting for you; all you have to do now is prepare yourself for them. Prepare your mind and heart. If you are not prepared spiritually then you won't see how good this person can be. You will be blinded by what society says once again. So prepare yourself; not for the other persons' sake, but for your own. Do this for you. Do this because you want to better yourself and know what potential you have inside of you. Do this because you want to be the best possible partner you can be when the time comes. Do this so you can be a rock for someone else.

     Proverbs 24:27 "Prepare your work outside; get everything ready for yourself in the field, and after that build your house."


Friday, January 13, 2017

This Time Is Limited, But You Are Limitless


     I've been in thought recently about how growing up has changed me both physically and mentally. I have come up with so many reasons to put myself down over things that simply aren't meaningful in reality. I think that a lot of girls my age tend to do that as well. We push ourselves to be this perfect image of put togetherness that we end up struggling more than striving. But where are we looking for this sense of appreciation? Who are we seeking out to get approval that we are good enough to keep on going?
   
     Getting older means so many changes that you don't expect and honestly wish weren't happening. The reality of it is, unless you are blessed with that insanely unreasonable high metabolism that every girl envies over, you're going to let your body go. But this is what you need to remember; it is SO NORMAL as you age to see changes in your body and yourself that you never would have known were even possible to occur before. That is also a clear example of someone who is living and discovering things about themselves that they never would have known were buried beneath their outer surface. You just have to be patient with yourself and with your body and give yourself some grace to understand that you are 19, 20, 21 and you're not going to be the same person you were when you were living at home and you're not gonna look the same as you did three years ago when life was easy and handed to you and predictable.

     "I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship. Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect." Romans 12:1-2

     It is also important to start to understand that things are beginning to get real and changes will arise from that. The main point is that you have to be proud of who you've become or you will never be fully satisfied with yourself. Embrace it. Realize that it's not going to come easy but you know yourself and that it is ultimately going to be incredible and worth it. You need to remember that you're not stuck being 19 and 20 forever. You're not stuck being that girl who doesn't know what she's doing. You're not stuck in the situations that you think there is no solution out of. You WILL grow, and figure out who you want to be.You WILL figure out what you want to be like and actual goals you are willing to put the effort in for and strive to accomplish. These are facts that I didn't come up with but He speaks them to be true.

     Remember this; whether you believe in yourself or not, you have someone who believes in you and understands you even when you don't understand yourself at times. You have someone who watches over you when you feel like no one is watching. You have someone who wants the best for you even when you feel like the whole world is against you.

     "Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever" Hebrews 13:8

     You have someone who is always with you, always rooting for you, and loving you unconditionally. Someone that, no matter what, never changes His mind about you. That, I believe, is the beauty of a relationship with God.
   
   



Tuesday, November 1, 2016

His


     Tonight I look at my hand and see a black stamp that reads "HIS". The word His is a complex yet simple statement that we tend to disregard in our lives. Having this on my hand tonight really made me think about what it truly means to be His, or Gods.

     I sit in raider church and hear about our worth in God. This triggers me to think back to my previous blog about women and their worth in Christ. Some times I need to read my own blog back and realize that these words apply to me too. His, it says. But what does it really mean to be His? I think that tonight it was put upon my heart to explain what being His means to me and maybe even to you.

     Being His isn't the easy thing to be; just like being a Christian you will experience more tribulation leading to triumph than anyone else. Being His isn't the hip thing either. People don't understand the relationship and what it takes to uphold. Being His also means being imperfect. You are never going to make every right decision in every wrong situation. You're going to encounter faults and pain and wrongs that make you believe that maybe you shouldn't be His at all. But these mishaps don't make you any less His own. He knows you and everything you will do in your life. Whether the joys or the sorrows He still thinks of you as His own. Even hearing that myself makes me stop and remember that I am truly a child of God, made in His image, sent here by Him with a purpose that He has planned for ME. Yes, you. You are His.

    Being His means realizing that in whatever you do, you were designed to preform like Him. Realizing this is discovering that God touched you with a stamp of himself onto you just like the stamp I got on my hand tonight. With a purpose and meaning. It is remembering Him. It is believing that you are His own. It is trusting that He has it all figured out even when you don't. It is being grateful and merciful and every single quality that He posses and pursues for you to be.

    It is wisdom of the fact that you can't go through this life without Him.

     As I write tonight I glance at my hand every so often and get an overwhelming feeling of peace. I feel all of the joy God has planned for me and so many blessings to come. While looking at the word "His" placed on my hand I recognize that God is both mine just as I am His, and what better realization than that.


Sunday, August 14, 2016

Worth

     I felt compelled today to write to girls and women about just how worthy they are. We tend to forget how beautiful we are and I feel that women, now more than ever, feel that they need reassurance to remember just how beautiful they really are. This is your reassurance ladies.

     Remember back to when you were a child and people were in awe over you. Everyone wanted to hold you because you were delicate and precious and new. People gathered to cherish your life and admire what a wonderful new being you were. But, as you grew that infatuation started to fade and you became aware of this fact. You started to feel as if you weren't new anymore and weren't wanted anymore because of the lack of attention you brought to yourself. It was an involuntary action to be wanted back then. But now you're stuck thinking, what if no one ever thinks I am as worthy as I was back then?

     The good news is that you are so wrong. The good news is that there is a God so loving and so infatuated with you and who you are becoming. He knew this was going to happen to you. He knew you would start to feel insecure and hopeless and lonely. But he also knew that you would come back and turn to Him and say God I know that you made me with a PURPOSE and with that in mind I know that I am WORTHY of greater things in life. He knew you would question your beauty but He also knew that you would read His word and realize that He created YOU in HIS image and that there is no higher compliment than that. He knew that someday when you were looking in the mirror and contemplating why God made you with wider hips than others or a bigger nose or red hair that you would wonder if anyone would ever think you were good enough for them. But, He also knew that you would read this and realize that YOU are GOOD enough for GOD and GOD is GREATER than all. You will read this and realize that His truth is all that really matters; not the media, not what some boy tells you, not what society wants to portray you as, only the facts of the gospel that are God breathed into our lives.

     Girls please memorize the truths of the gospel when they tell you that you are fearfully and wonderfully made. God had no fear when He made you. He was positively certain in every curve and edge of your body and personality. He never doubted you. He was never anxious about you. He was fearless, and now you are wonderful. All you have to do is believe it.

     Love you all.