Slaves of Sin

     As I was doing my quiet time tonight a verse really spoke out to me. It was Romans 6:14 and it said, "For sin shall no longer be your master, because you are not under the law, but under grace." I feel like we forget that sometimes. That after we decided to dedicate our lives to Christ that He lives within us now and we are no longer slaves to sin. It uses the phrase "slaves to sin" a lot in Romans 6 and I believe that what Paul was trying to emphasize was that before we were even on this earth Christ was crucified and put through such as struggle so that one day we could live freely. So that we wouldn't have to be slaves to sin, but instead slaves to obedience. As I read about this in Romans I couldn't stop thinking about how we view sin and grace.

     In Romans 6:22 Paul writes, "But now that you have been set free from sin and have become slaves of God, the benefit you reap leads to holiness, and the result is eternal life." We view sin sometimes as lesser because we have this undeniable grace from God when we should actually be viewing it as what is keeping us from our eternity. When I read that verse I feel so much joy. I read again that we are not slaves of sin anymore, but slaves of God.

     I think sometimes we carry the sins of our past with us throughout life and it holds us back from truly living and seeking the most amount of joy that life has to offer. I know personally that I have been too caught up in the sins of my past before and wondered if I would ever find true joy again. We tend to forget that once our sins have been forgiven by God, He forgets those sins. So why don't we? If us as earthly people can stop tearing ourselves down for every mishap and mistake then we can get back to what we were put on this earth to do. Which is to go out and make disciples. But, if we are too caught up in reminiscing on the sins of our past then it is hard to fill out our true destiny.

     I am a big believer in encouraging living. Really living could be different for everyone. It could be traveling the world for some or watching Netflix for 12 hours straight for others. But I love seeing the people around me excited about the day they are in and anticipating the next to come. That's how I have been trying to live. I keep myself busy with things I love doing so that every day I have something to look forward to, and I believe that is truly living. Not letting your fears or insecurities get in the way of what makes you look forward to the next day. So I encourage living every day and in the people around me. Release the shame. Release the guilt. Release the fear, and forgive yourself so you can truly live too.

Falling back in Love with yourself

     Lately I haven't been focused on myself. Lately I've been so consumed with others and what they think of me that it has taken away from the love I once had for myself. This isn't anyones fault at all but I realized that I had become too dependent on others for my happiness that in doing so I forgot what it was like to truly love myself again.

     I needed a fresh start but never knew how to fall back in love with myself. I wasn't brave enough to realize that I needed to be alone right now. I hadn't lost myself I just knew that something wasn't right inside of me and I would reminisce back on the days where I was shining out to others because of the joy I brought myself, and not just the joy that others brought me. That's where I've been going wrong. I have been basing all of my happiness on other people and how happy they are with me that I forgot how happy I could be with myself on my own.

     Im not saying its easy to re fall in love with yourself either. I still haven't figured out just how to get to that place again. What I do know is that if I put God at the center of everything I do from here on out that I will soon feel that genuine joy within myself again. Falling in love with myself first requires me falling back in love with God. Also, baths, poetry books, photoshoots, and cooking really helps too. I realized that I had been finding my joy in earthly people instead of my heavenly father. I'm going to make mistakes, tons of mistakes, along the way of loving myself again but I'm so glad that a bad ending could lead to a new beginning. Isn't that how God sometimes reveals things to us? He knows our hearts and He knows how much we can handle and if we can't do it ourselves He will shut things down in our lives to clear the path for an even better situation or opportunity. As hard as endings are, they are sometimes the only way to see ourselves in a new light.

     God loves us through every stage and age of our lives. When were broken, he heals. When were anxious, he is calming. When we've given up on everything HE is the one who is consistent and never gives up on us, no matter how far we stray. That is what keeps me going. That we have a God who will never let us feel lonely. We have a God who is easy to fall in love with, and who knows just how to help us fall back in love with ourselves.

Bringing the Joy back

I'm about to get really real here.

    Have you ever been so caught up in a friendship or relationship that you know isn't right for you but you can't get yourself to give up on trying to change them. Maybe they were a negative being in your life or a non believer that you thought could come around to believing just like you. Maybe, you thought that you could have this greater impact on them and lead them to Christ. But, for some it just doesn't work like that. For some they need their own time to find Christ. They need to hit that rock bottom moment so that they can realize that there is no other way to becoming fulfilled in life than following Jesus. I'm not saying don't try and lead. That is, in fact, what we are called to do with our lives. What I am trying to say is don't get too caught up in a relationship that is unhealthy for you that you start to lose sight of your own relationship with God. Because I know I did. My joy was dependent on my relationship and that's why I broke.

    I struggled. Everyone struggles with this at some point. Falling for someone that you know isn't exactly the right person for you but deep down hoping that something would change and everything would be okay. Thinking that this relationship is more important than your relationship with God. Wishing that this person would believe the same as you and want to walk with Christ along with you. But there ends up being too much of a gap to fill on your own. This gap can only be filled by Jesus and when he decides it is time. Don't blame yourself. Also, don't blame the other person. Maybe they weren't raised like you. Maybe, they've had a rougher time figuring out who they want to be. It could be one of the greatest people who has ever entered your life, but you know you just have to let them go. You just can't force someone to change.

    I thought that I could. I thought that being in love was enough to change someone. I thought that since he loved me he would change for me. I wanted it to work so bad that I was willing to stop getting as involved in the church as I was before. I was broken, but was also blind to my own brokenness. But thinking back at that, I wasn't leading the life that God wanted me to lead to show others Christ in the first place. I was being held captive in my faith because I didn't want to seem "too religious" and have him leave. I didn't want to be "too pushy" and push him away. So I secluded my faith and hid behind my fears because I didn't want to get my heart broken.

    But why do we do this to ourselves? Why do we set aside God when he knows how these relationships are going to turn out anyways? We should follow the plan He has in store for us. But sometimes,  we like to think the we are the ones in control. It turns out that no matter how much you try to hide from God, he will always make a change in your life so that you can't hide from Him any longer.

    I pray for people who haven't found God yet every single night, him especially. I don't regret anything about that relationship but I hope that others like him can see a light of Christ in me. I have hope that Jesus will make His way into the hearts of others and change their lives like mine was. In Romans 10:14 it says, "How, then, can they call on the one they have not believed in? And how can they believe in the one of whom they have not heard?". But as I kept reading God's response was so beautiful. In Romans 10:15 it says, "As it is written: "How beautiful are the feet of those who bring good news!". While reading this to myself I became overwhelmed with a feeling of joy and of just how simple God puts it; how we are the ones who are carriers of this good news.

    This last year was filled with so much joy but also heartbreak. I want to speak to every girl out there when I say that no matter how you're feeling about yourself today, God thinks the world of you and His heart breaks for you too. You're not in this alone. We have a God that knows what you are going through. He has experienced everything you're experiencing now. But, the only way to feel joy again is to stop looking to other people or relationships to make you happy again. That void we feel right now is where God is opening a gap for himself into your heart. Maybe someday, later on in life, after we have grown as people and children of God things could change. Maybe this chapter was just meant to be focused on ourselves and in God. But only He knows the greater plan and all we can do is be patient and believe in his promise that He has a special purpose for our lives.

    At Raider Church tonight the pastor said something that stuck with me. He said that God will turn your mess into a message. I believe that to be so true for whatever mess we are experiencing in our lives. We are in that mess for a reason and God knows exactly what he is doing and where he is taking you out of it.