Lately I haven't been focused on myself. Lately I've been so consumed with others and what they think of me that it has taken away from the love I once had for myself. This isn't anyones fault at all but I realized that I had become too dependent on others for my happiness that in doing so I forgot what it was like to truly love myself again.
I needed a fresh start but never knew how to fall back in love with myself. I wasn't brave enough to realize that I needed to be alone right now. I hadn't lost myself I just knew that something wasn't right inside of me and I would reminisce back on the days where I was shining out to others because of the joy I brought myself, and not just the joy that others brought me. That's where I've been going wrong. I have been basing all of my happiness on other people and how happy they are with me that I forgot how happy I could be with myself on my own.
Im not saying its easy to re fall in love with yourself either. I still haven't figured out just how to get to that place again. What I do know is that if I put God at the center of everything I do from here on out that I will soon feel that genuine joy within myself again. Falling in love with myself first requires me falling back in love with God. Also, baths, poetry books, photoshoots, and cooking really helps too. I realized that I had been finding my joy in earthly people instead of my heavenly father. I'm going to make mistakes, tons of mistakes, along the way of loving myself again but I'm so glad that a bad ending could lead to a new beginning. Isn't that how God sometimes reveals things to us? He knows our hearts and He knows how much we can handle and if we can't do it ourselves He will shut things down in our lives to clear the path for an even better situation or opportunity. As hard as endings are, they are sometimes the only way to see ourselves in a new light.
God loves us through every stage and age of our lives. When were broken, he heals. When were anxious, he is calming. When we've given up on everything HE is the one who is consistent and never gives up on us, no matter how far we stray. That is what keeps me going. That we have a God who will never let us feel lonely. We have a God who is easy to fall in love with, and who knows just how to help us fall back in love with ourselves.
